Yes, I’m having a breakdown…

I’m warning you, if you want to read about how everything is perfect and wonderful you should stop reading right now. I am really close to have a complete breakdown so I’m hoping writing this down and getting it out of my system will help the situation.

So I have had pretty bad morning sickness all along, and it was tolerable and under control for a while after they prescribed me phenergen. This past Saturday it got bad, I started throwing up again every morning. Sunday was bad, and yesterday and today were not good at all, plus I’m back at work this week and being this sick really affects me. Since it had been 5 straight days being incredibly sick I decided to call my OB. I called them at 8:10am this morning and asked to speak with a nurse. I explained that I was throwing up like crazy and I need to know what to do, if I should start taking something else, anything. It took them 8 hours to call me back. They close at 4:00 and the nurse called me at 4:20, talked to me for 2 seconds and said ok i’ll prescribe you something else, she said she needed to talk to the Dr. and would call me back when she called in the prescription. So 5:10pm she calls me back and says she called it in. Evan went over to the CVS to pick it up, the generic was $200 for 90 pills. Everyone I know gets generic prescriptions for $10 or even less, but no not me. I still pay $227/month for health insurance which including maternity coverage and yet I can’t get a generic prescription for less than $200. So did I decided to break the bank so I can stop throwing up? No, I guess I will live with being miserable or try to fight the nurses again tomorrow. I think I would rather be sick than fight and beg my doctors to give me the time of day.

I’m so tired, and tired of being sick and exhausted. I’m unhappy because I never feel good. My coworker at work is pregnant but she’s not sick, not yet at least and I have a couple of other pregnant friends who are not sick, or have gotten their morning sickness under control. They all seem to have it together and it really makes me sad. I’ve wanted this so bad, to be pregnant, to have a baby, and now that I have it I can’t enjoy it. I feel like none of my friends, even the closest ones who know me well don’t understand. I feel like they see me as a horrible person, an unhappy person, someone who doesn’t appreciate what she’s been given. Trust me, I am happy that I’m pregnant, I can’t wait to be a mother, and when I feel decent, I enjoy talking about the nursery and baby names, and how we’re going to do this and that, I really do. But, no one knows exactly what I’m going through. Everyone I’ve talked to did not have to deal with sickness, or this much anyways. This morning sickness getting worse, freakin expensive prescriptions, uncooperative OB, is just too much for me. I’m overwhelmed, I’m tired, and exhausted. I used to see the light at the end of the tunnel…and I know there is one, but I just don’t see it.

I apologize that this has been so negative, but I have to be real.

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