So sorry for the last post…

I hope I didn’t scare you away with my last post. Great news!!! I have the miracle drug Zofran and I feel better than I ever have pregnant. My two co-workers, Karen and Dawn are awesome and would not let me take no as an answer, bought me said miracle drug which was ridiculously expensive. I seriously felt really bad as they were doing it but they kept saying over and over that that’s what friends are for, and we want to help, etc. but still it’s a LOT of money. BUT IT WORKS! It was amazing, and instantaneous. I started taking the meds mid Thursday and Friday morning I was up at 5:00am taking a shower (which I used to not be able to do). I fixed my hair, put make-up on (which has been a rare occasion lately) and I even went by Chick-fil-a and had a chicken biscuit at 7:30am. It was amazing—seriously. I have not been the least bit nauseous since I started taking it, I have so much more energy, it’s awesome!

Friday after work I met up with my mom and sister and did a tiny bit of shopping. I got a couple maternity shirts, and a sweater. Then we went to Babies R Us and it was a lot less overwhelming this time. My sister helped me out a lot, giving me little tips that only a recent mother would know about certain products. I feel like I’m getting a better grip on the things that we will need and how to pick out which ones will work best for us. YAY! My sister’s awesome, and has been and will continue to be a really big life saver I think 🙂 She brought me a basket full of maternity clothes to see if they would fit me, and my coworker Melissa brought me like 5 pairs of maternity jeans as well to try. So exciting, until I tried them on 🙁 There are 2 pair of jeans that could be hopeful, but I’m not quite sure. They were all smalls from motherhood/old navy, places like that, but most were still so big, not even just in the waist, but everywhere. I am a size 0, have been for the longest time, and it’s hard enough for me to find adult clothes when I’m not pregnant, so I knew this was going to be a struggle.

Saturday Evan and I decided to venture out into the madness of tax-free weekend (Friday wasn’t bad at all) just for fun, not really looking for anything in particular. I had Kohl’s cash and I found a bra that I wanted but refused to stand in the line that wrapped around half of the store to purchase it. We went to Target where I bought the bella band! We looked at all the baby stuff again, of course, and then went to lunch. I decided I wanted to look at Motherhood at Crabtree and maybe try on some of the jeans just to see—bad thinking. It was so depressing, one of the ladies who worked there even got the smallest jeans for me, “these have the skinny legs so they’re bound to work” NOPE. Then another saleswoman told me to go to “A Pea in the Pod” they will definitely fit you! For those of you who don’t know, they carry designer jeans like Seven and freakin expensive clothes BUT just to see, we went there. I tried on some non-designer (still like $70) jeans, nope. I also tried on a few shirts that weren’t horribly priced, then Evan saw something hanging on the dressing room door, a whole outfit and was like try it on, it’s cute. So I did, I LOVED IT, looked at the price, oh my gosh. How in the world can anyone afford a $200 sweater, an $85 t-shirt, ridiculous! So, needless to say, I don’t know what I’m going to do about the lower half of me when I really do start showing, but I think I’ll stick with Target on most of my maternity clothes needs.

Today is Sunday and I was able to go to church, YAY! I even wore a dress (which I never do) to celebrate being at church for the first time in 3 weeks! It was amazing too, we had just a very chill worship day, which I needed. Now, after a 2 hour nap today which was wonderful, I’m here updating the blog while Evan makes lasagna for homegroup tonight. Speaking of that, I should probably go get ready and see if he needs any help. He is still being amazing of course, I couldn’t ask for a better husband and that’s the truth. He’s so good to me, so very excited about this child—just typing about it brings tears to my eyes. He’s going to be such an amazing father 🙂

Yes, I’m having a breakdown…

I’m warning you, if you want to read about how everything is perfect and wonderful you should stop reading right now. I am really close to have a complete breakdown so I’m hoping writing this down and getting it out of my system will help the situation.

So I have had pretty bad morning sickness all along, and it was tolerable and under control for a while after they prescribed me phenergen. This past Saturday it got bad, I started throwing up again every morning. Sunday was bad, and yesterday and today were not good at all, plus I’m back at work this week and being this sick really affects me. Since it had been 5 straight days being incredibly sick I decided to call my OB. I called them at 8:10am this morning and asked to speak with a nurse. I explained that I was throwing up like crazy and I need to know what to do, if I should start taking something else, anything. It took them 8 hours to call me back. They close at 4:00 and the nurse called me at 4:20, talked to me for 2 seconds and said ok i’ll prescribe you something else, she said she needed to talk to the Dr. and would call me back when she called in the prescription. So 5:10pm she calls me back and says she called it in. Evan went over to the CVS to pick it up, the generic was $200 for 90 pills. Everyone I know gets generic prescriptions for $10 or even less, but no not me. I still pay $227/month for health insurance which including maternity coverage and yet I can’t get a generic prescription for less than $200. So did I decided to break the bank so I can stop throwing up? No, I guess I will live with being miserable or try to fight the nurses again tomorrow. I think I would rather be sick than fight and beg my doctors to give me the time of day.

I’m so tired, and tired of being sick and exhausted. I’m unhappy because I never feel good. My coworker at work is pregnant but she’s not sick, not yet at least and I have a couple of other pregnant friends who are not sick, or have gotten their morning sickness under control. They all seem to have it together and it really makes me sad. I’ve wanted this so bad, to be pregnant, to have a baby, and now that I have it I can’t enjoy it. I feel like none of my friends, even the closest ones who know me well don’t understand. I feel like they see me as a horrible person, an unhappy person, someone who doesn’t appreciate what she’s been given. Trust me, I am happy that I’m pregnant, I can’t wait to be a mother, and when I feel decent, I enjoy talking about the nursery and baby names, and how we’re going to do this and that, I really do. But, no one knows exactly what I’m going through. Everyone I’ve talked to did not have to deal with sickness, or this much anyways. This morning sickness getting worse, freakin expensive prescriptions, uncooperative OB, is just too much for me. I’m overwhelmed, I’m tired, and exhausted. I used to see the light at the end of the tunnel…and I know there is one, but I just don’t see it.

I apologize that this has been so negative, but I have to be real.

Weekend with the In-laws

Have I mentioned how much I love Evan’s parents? Well, I do! Last week was our office’s vacation. I didn’t go anywhere, but Evan’s parents came down on Thursday so we got to spend a long weekend with them and it was great! We ate and ate and ate some more, which was great because I really needed to catch up on my eating. We had Olive Garden, and Japanese, and Chili’s…oh, it was great 🙂 Plus, we don’t get to see them very often so spending some quality time with them was very nice! We browsed around Babies R Us which I have to say is very scary and overwhelming, but it was fun nonetheless.

We bought 2 baby gates, mainly to use for the dogs for a while. Their room is now turning into the nursery so we’re gating off the kitchen/dining room and that’s where they will sleep and spend the day. Abbey, my puggle, is still whining when we first put her in there and early in the morning when she hears us. She’s very needy and she’s going to have to get over that soon enough, but it breaks my heart because she just wants to cuddle with me 🙂 We also bought a baby name book, which we thought would be helpful, but hasn’t been so far. I cannot believe some of the names in that book, some I couldn’t even pronounce, LOL.

We have 4 dogs running around which made things interesting, but it was fun. It was much easier to lock them out of the kitchen when we were cooking, and lock them in the kitchen when we didn’t want them playing and barking in our faces 🙂

Sunday I wasn’t able to go to church with everyone because I was so sick, which was unfortunate. Our homegroup had bought tickets for a durham bulls game so although I was not feeling up to it, we went anyways. It was ok, it was a pretty good game although they lost.

Yea…it’s been a while :(

I apologize for not posting for the past couple of weeks. It has been a tough few weeks for me, with all of the sickness, exhaustion, and hormones. It seems like the worst has past (knock on wood). My medicine is working fairly regular for me, I am able to eat so much more than I have been lately which is so nice! I am still tired but I am getting used to it. I have not been myself which I think has bothered me the most. I have been so moody, and it sucks 🙁 I don’t like being sad for no reason but I do think it’s getting better. And before I tell you what happened yesterday, here’s what’s going on according to

Your pregnancy: 9 weeks

How your baby’s growing:

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She’s starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they’ll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby’s heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic “tail” is completely gone. Your baby’s organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won’t be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won’t open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby’s basic physiology is in place, she’s poised for rapid weight gain.

Now for the best part—yesterday was our first OB appointment!!!! Although we had to wait a lot, and I had to give blood for the first time (yikes!) all went well. It was very very cool to see our little grape on the ultrasound machine, moving like crazy. Baby Chaisson is not even a full inch yet but it was moving around so much that the Dr. had to chase it around. When we got to hear the heartbeat it was amazing, so loud and fast! 179 bpm to be exact. The Dr. said that was great, and it was measuring perfectly for 9 weeks! NOW, I would like to present to you for the very first time—Baby Chaisson 🙂

I can’t describe how cool it was to see the inch long babys brain, legs, arms—it was amazing! It definitely made the pregnancy that much more real for me. I think I was too scared that something was going to happen to fully be able to be excited, but after the doctor’s visit, I’m stoked!!!

Week 6

This week, “morning sickness” has begun. Monday was minimal, Tuesday was pretty bad all day but luckily my boss and co-workers are very understanding. Ginger ale & crackers and goldfish have become my best friends! It’s funny, even before my morning sickness began I still wasn’t feeling like eating. Anyone who knows me knows I love to eat, and I tend to eat a lot. I know I need to eat and I know I’m hungry but I’m afraid to eat, afraid I’m going to get sick. I almost can’t distinguish whether I’m hungry or feeling sick. Like this morning, I thought I was hungry so I ate something, and I got sick minutes later–uh 🙁 And I used to eat salads for lunch EVERY day at work, they would all pick on me, but now I can’t stand to eat a salad. It’s so weird. Being pregnant is not at all what I expected.

Yesterday I felt better than I had in a while so after work I went to Old Navy (thanks to Lindsay for the heads up) and bought my first maternity outfit! I felt a little out of place in the maternity section but soon enough I will fit right in 🙂 Karen, my boss, also gave me quite a few pregnancy/name books which was super nice! And my co-worker Colleen gave me some bigger scrubs for when my tummy outgrows my own scrubs. I have such great friends and I feel so blessed! After Evan cooked me dinner, we went through the name book and talked about a few names, then I fell asleep, LOL. When I woke up, Evan had tons of windows open on the computer with “dude bags” (diaper bags for dudes), baby clothing websites, baby furniture websites etc. It was super cute, he was getting really excited 🙂 I just love him more and more every day. He has already been an amazing help to me, especially this week not feeling well at all. I usually take out the dogs in the morning and feed them, now he does it. He gets up at 5:30 (he’s not a morning person and doesn’t HAVE to get up until 7:30 to get ready for work), sometimes he gets up earlier if I am not feeling well, to bring me sprite and crackers, or to make me breakfast. AND he always cooks dinner, and cleans the kitchen. I normally do most of the cleaning in the house, and he’s been picking up and keeping things tidy. I haven’t asked him to do any of this either. I love it! I brag on him all of the time at work and my co-workers really wanted to meet him. We had a last minute cancellation for a cleaning this morning so Evan came in and got to meet most of my co-workers. They loved him, they said I had me a hottie, and they told him how much I bragged on him. It was a fun time, I love showing him off 🙂

So I signed up for weekly e-mails about the development of my baby through I thought it might neat, and it is. I thought I would share:

Your pregnancy: 6 weeks

How your baby’s growing:

This week’s major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you’ll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you’d find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby’s eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil bean.

A lentil bean huh? It’s weird to think that my baby being the size of a lentil bean is make me feel so sick, but I’m hoping that will soon pass. Either way, I know that it will all be worth it come March! Oh, on another note, my puppies are acting very clingy and lovey lately. I think they know that something’s going on, they’re always around me and want to lay on top of me, haha. I think it’s cute now, but they’re going to have a rude awakening when I told have all of my time for just them.