So sorry for the last post…

I hope I didn’t scare you away with my last post. Great news!!! I have the miracle drug Zofran and I feel better than I ever have pregnant. My two co-workers, Karen and Dawn are awesome and would not let me take no as an answer, bought me said miracle drug which was ridiculously expensive. I seriously felt really bad as they were doing it but they kept saying over and over that that’s what friends are for, and we want to help, etc. but still it’s a LOT of money. BUT IT WORKS! It was amazing, and instantaneous. I started taking the meds mid Thursday and Friday morning I was up at 5:00am taking a shower (which I used to not be able to do). I fixed my hair, put make-up on (which has been a rare occasion lately) and I even went by Chick-fil-a and had a chicken biscuit at 7:30am. It was amazing—seriously. I have not been the least bit nauseous since I started taking it, I have so much more energy, it’s awesome!

Friday after work I met up with my mom and sister and did a tiny bit of shopping. I got a couple maternity shirts, and a sweater. Then we went to Babies R Us and it was a lot less overwhelming this time. My sister helped me out a lot, giving me little tips that only a recent mother would know about certain products. I feel like I’m getting a better grip on the things that we will need and how to pick out which ones will work best for us. YAY! My sister’s awesome, and has been and will continue to be a really big life saver I think 🙂 She brought me a basket full of maternity clothes to see if they would fit me, and my coworker Melissa brought me like 5 pairs of maternity jeans as well to try. So exciting, until I tried them on 🙁 There are 2 pair of jeans that could be hopeful, but I’m not quite sure. They were all smalls from motherhood/old navy, places like that, but most were still so big, not even just in the waist, but everywhere. I am a size 0, have been for the longest time, and it’s hard enough for me to find adult clothes when I’m not pregnant, so I knew this was going to be a struggle.

Saturday Evan and I decided to venture out into the madness of tax-free weekend (Friday wasn’t bad at all) just for fun, not really looking for anything in particular. I had Kohl’s cash and I found a bra that I wanted but refused to stand in the line that wrapped around half of the store to purchase it. We went to Target where I bought the bella band! We looked at all the baby stuff again, of course, and then went to lunch. I decided I wanted to look at Motherhood at Crabtree and maybe try on some of the jeans just to see—bad thinking. It was so depressing, one of the ladies who worked there even got the smallest jeans for me, “these have the skinny legs so they’re bound to work” NOPE. Then another saleswoman told me to go to “A Pea in the Pod” they will definitely fit you! For those of you who don’t know, they carry designer jeans like Seven and freakin expensive clothes BUT just to see, we went there. I tried on some non-designer (still like $70) jeans, nope. I also tried on a few shirts that weren’t horribly priced, then Evan saw something hanging on the dressing room door, a whole outfit and was like try it on, it’s cute. So I did, I LOVED IT, looked at the price, oh my gosh. How in the world can anyone afford a $200 sweater, an $85 t-shirt, ridiculous! So, needless to say, I don’t know what I’m going to do about the lower half of me when I really do start showing, but I think I’ll stick with Target on most of my maternity clothes needs.

Today is Sunday and I was able to go to church, YAY! I even wore a dress (which I never do) to celebrate being at church for the first time in 3 weeks! It was amazing too, we had just a very chill worship day, which I needed. Now, after a 2 hour nap today which was wonderful, I’m here updating the blog while Evan makes lasagna for homegroup tonight. Speaking of that, I should probably go get ready and see if he needs any help. He is still being amazing of course, I couldn’t ask for a better husband and that’s the truth. He’s so good to me, so very excited about this child—just typing about it brings tears to my eyes. He’s going to be such an amazing father 🙂

Yes, I’m having a breakdown…

I’m warning you, if you want to read about how everything is perfect and wonderful you should stop reading right now. I am really close to have a complete breakdown so I’m hoping writing this down and getting it out of my system will help the situation.

So I have had pretty bad morning sickness all along, and it was tolerable and under control for a while after they prescribed me phenergen. This past Saturday it got bad, I started throwing up again every morning. Sunday was bad, and yesterday and today were not good at all, plus I’m back at work this week and being this sick really affects me. Since it had been 5 straight days being incredibly sick I decided to call my OB. I called them at 8:10am this morning and asked to speak with a nurse. I explained that I was throwing up like crazy and I need to know what to do, if I should start taking something else, anything. It took them 8 hours to call me back. They close at 4:00 and the nurse called me at 4:20, talked to me for 2 seconds and said ok i’ll prescribe you something else, she said she needed to talk to the Dr. and would call me back when she called in the prescription. So 5:10pm she calls me back and says she called it in. Evan went over to the CVS to pick it up, the generic was $200 for 90 pills. Everyone I know gets generic prescriptions for $10 or even less, but no not me. I still pay $227/month for health insurance which including maternity coverage and yet I can’t get a generic prescription for less than $200. So did I decided to break the bank so I can stop throwing up? No, I guess I will live with being miserable or try to fight the nurses again tomorrow. I think I would rather be sick than fight and beg my doctors to give me the time of day.

I’m so tired, and tired of being sick and exhausted. I’m unhappy because I never feel good. My coworker at work is pregnant but she’s not sick, not yet at least and I have a couple of other pregnant friends who are not sick, or have gotten their morning sickness under control. They all seem to have it together and it really makes me sad. I’ve wanted this so bad, to be pregnant, to have a baby, and now that I have it I can’t enjoy it. I feel like none of my friends, even the closest ones who know me well don’t understand. I feel like they see me as a horrible person, an unhappy person, someone who doesn’t appreciate what she’s been given. Trust me, I am happy that I’m pregnant, I can’t wait to be a mother, and when I feel decent, I enjoy talking about the nursery and baby names, and how we’re going to do this and that, I really do. But, no one knows exactly what I’m going through. Everyone I’ve talked to did not have to deal with sickness, or this much anyways. This morning sickness getting worse, freakin expensive prescriptions, uncooperative OB, is just too much for me. I’m overwhelmed, I’m tired, and exhausted. I used to see the light at the end of the tunnel…and I know there is one, but I just don’t see it.

I apologize that this has been so negative, but I have to be real.

Weekend with the In-laws

Have I mentioned how much I love Evan’s parents? Well, I do! Last week was our office’s vacation. I didn’t go anywhere, but Evan’s parents came down on Thursday so we got to spend a long weekend with them and it was great! We ate and ate and ate some more, which was great because I really needed to catch up on my eating. We had Olive Garden, and Japanese, and Chili’s…oh, it was great 🙂 Plus, we don’t get to see them very often so spending some quality time with them was very nice! We browsed around Babies R Us which I have to say is very scary and overwhelming, but it was fun nonetheless.

We bought 2 baby gates, mainly to use for the dogs for a while. Their room is now turning into the nursery so we’re gating off the kitchen/dining room and that’s where they will sleep and spend the day. Abbey, my puggle, is still whining when we first put her in there and early in the morning when she hears us. She’s very needy and she’s going to have to get over that soon enough, but it breaks my heart because she just wants to cuddle with me 🙂 We also bought a baby name book, which we thought would be helpful, but hasn’t been so far. I cannot believe some of the names in that book, some I couldn’t even pronounce, LOL.

We have 4 dogs running around which made things interesting, but it was fun. It was much easier to lock them out of the kitchen when we were cooking, and lock them in the kitchen when we didn’t want them playing and barking in our faces 🙂

Sunday I wasn’t able to go to church with everyone because I was so sick, which was unfortunate. Our homegroup had bought tickets for a durham bulls game so although I was not feeling up to it, we went anyways. It was ok, it was a pretty good game although they lost.